how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
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