Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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