she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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