dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
