The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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