I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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