I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
