i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
