hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My ass is underappreciated
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
