It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize