just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
