I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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