I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Still dying that you shit outside
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
