i'm lost and i look like a hooker
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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