WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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