I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
