worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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