Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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