I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
