I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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