I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
