everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
