i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
