Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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