It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
bring money and cleavage
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
she pinky promised me she was 18
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
