Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
