I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
