Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
