just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
