My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
