Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
