I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
