Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
