I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
