So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
