he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
