I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
