Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
