I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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