Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Please, let me fuck your mom
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
