Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
