Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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