It's like God shit irony all over that family
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
