in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
