Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize