I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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