can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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