With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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