Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
