So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
