dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
