There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
