doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
