I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
