There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
