They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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