I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
