My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
