I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
