it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
