just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
