I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
