he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
