I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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