CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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