Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
