I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Someone stole a lamp last night.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize