She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
