i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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