Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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