so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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