But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
