Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
