What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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