Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
