he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
