from now on my penis is your penis
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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