R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
This toilet bowl is my home.
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