She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
